You made me cry and you don't even care
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
