it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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