Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
