dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
