How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
