GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
