I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
