Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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