she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
