I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
