Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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