We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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