dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
