so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Come see our sink grown plant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
