i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
