Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
