Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
