I wannas sexs uuuuu
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize