so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
