you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
