he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
