Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
