My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
