guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
