why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
