How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
