Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
