Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize