I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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