Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
