My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
