Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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