how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just invented taco cereal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
