Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
