It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
