He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My bed smells like the plague
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize