I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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