she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No subtext here. People are naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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