I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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