organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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