it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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