sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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