so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
