HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
