This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
