From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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