The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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