I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
