I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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