Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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