You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
