This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
