Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we're so committed to being not committed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
