I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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