you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
