The maid of honor just puked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
