so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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